Forming a coaching relationship

For a healthy and spontaneous coaching relationship, what are the key ingredients to create a connection between coach and coachee?

1) Trust. The coach needs to create a supportive and respectful environment, so the coachee can feel encouraged to fully express himself / herself, and safe knowing that the coach will never make judgements about her / him. Building trust requires integrity, apologising when one makes mistakes, honesty, generosity, keeping your promises. Whenever the coach senses that something may upset the coachee, the coach requests permission before asking difficult questions. The coach’s approachability will gradually result in the coachee slowly revealing who they really are, i.e. what’s underneath certain behavioural patterns. In my experience, this is rarely achieved during the first session; trust is built over time and requires patience.

2) Confidence. The coach needs to be confident in his abilities and in the power of the coaching process, avoiding any anxiety or worries which may undermine his/her performance.

3) Presence. The coach needs to be 100% present with body, mind and soul, and create a bubble environment in which the coachee can express his/her feelings. The coachee’s verbal and non-verbal behaviour will be analysed, including what is not being said.

4) Relatability. Although the role of the coach is not to be an expert in the coachee’s profession or industry, the coach’s unique mix of background and skills may enable them to better understand the coachee’s situation and achieve their coaching objectives.

5) Flexibility. A coach needs to be flexible in working with the coachee, whether it’s in person or online. In my experience, it is best to let the coachee decide where to hold coaching sessions; the surroundings do matter in making coachees feel psychologically safe. I have tried coaching by walking: exercise helps our brain deal with anxiety, tension and stress, and walking stimulates meditation and generation of creative ideas.