How can we develop Emotional Intelligence (EI)?
Self-awareness
Self-Awareness is your ability to accurately perceive your emotions and stay aware of them as they happen. People with high EI balance empathy, good manners and kindness with the ability to assert themselves. During conflict, emotionally intelligent people remain balanced and assertive by steering themselves away from unfiltered emotional reactions. This enables them to neutralize difficult and toxic people without creating enemies.
You receive a call from an associate asking you to work on a task at short notice, which will divert your attention away from your current project priorities. How do you respond?
- Do you agree, but feel guilty because you have moved other commitments out of your schedule? (your underlying motive may be the need to achieve approval, you worry about pleasing everyone).
- Say no because you have commitments? (you are prepared to assert your needs to achieve your goal).
- You will see what you can do and then get back to them (you already know you will say no)? (you are engaging in avoidance behaviour).
Believe your behaviour, it will reveal your true intentions. When you are enthusiastic about something, it is because you want to do it. If you are delaying getting started or avoiding a task, ask yourself if this is something you really want to be doing.
Trust your feelings and be honest with yourself. When you are happy, satisfied or content in a certain situation, it is likely that you are in alignment with your inner and outer self. You are doing what you want to be doing, referred to as being congruent. If you have agreed to undertake something and you feel resentment, it could well be that your intention is in conflict with some underlying goal.
Relationship management and social competence
Relationship Management is your ability to use awareness of your emotions and the others’ emotions to manage interactions successfully. Social competence is your ability to understand other people’s moods, behaviour and motives in order to respond effectively and improve the quality of your relationships.
Relationships are vital for personal growth and development. Whereas once the psychological contract was set on expectations of a job for life, today’s job market is characterised by transactional relationships, which are transitory. Flatter organisational structures and the need to manage our own careers mean that it is vital to develop an effective internal and external network of relationships based on reciprocity, listening, trust, empathy.
People with high EI are curious about other people. This curiosity is the product of empathy, one of the most significant gateways to high EI. The more you care about other people and what they’re going through, the more curiosity you’re going to have about them.