Do you tend to think that no one fully understands you?
Do you think there is something uniquely problematic about your situation and life?
Do you consider yourself as uniquely disadvantaged or flawed?
Do you tend to think that terrible things always happen to you and will keep happening?
Do you often feel powerless and unable to deal with problems, so there is no point in trying?
Do you often blame others for why you cannot achieve your goals or for your misfortunes?
If your answers to most of these questions is yes, you may have what Shirzad Chamine refers to as a victim saboteur in his Positive Intelligence book (2012). People with a victim saboteur are generally capable of deep introspection, they can feel their own emotions deeply and clearly, they are able to understand how the human mind functions; these strengths can be put to good use to connect, teach, inspire, or heal.
However, people with a victim saboteur identify themselves with something particularly bad that is going to happen to them. That victim mindset becomes their identity, this is how they define who they are.
Their victimhood self-identity can be quite tranquilising and addictive, allowing them to feel no responsibility for their mistakes; other people or circumstances are to blame. This lack of accountability might mean that they may have little interest in trying to make changes, they feel powerless and helpless and think that any effort to create change is destined to fail. They believe that the world has treated them unfairly, it is not their fault, and there is nothing that they can do to make a difference or improve their life.
They tend to be solely focused on themselves and may feel little empathy or concern for the suffering of others; they may become selfish, because they think that their suffering is greater than other people’s. They often wish for others to recognise that they have been through so much and may refuse to consider other perspectives and help from others; they may therefore push people away as a result. They seem to enjoy feeling sorry for themselves.
They tend to brood over negative feelings for a long time, which reinforces their perception as a perpetual victim. Wallowing in negativity and negative self-talk may keep them from trying to develop new skills and abilities which could help them achieve their goals. Instead, they may develop frustration as they think they are uniquely disadvantaged, resentment towards happy and successful people, and anger because they think no one understands them or cares about them. Over time, this pessimism might lead to depression, isolation, and loneliness.
A victim mindset might arise from early life experiences of feeling not seen or accepted, or from observing and adopting the victim mentality of a family member. Playing the victim allows the individual to gain some attention and affection while avoiding self-responsibility and blame, it generates immediate gratification but long-term inability to solve the problem.
How strong is the victim in you?
How is your victim saboteur holding you back in your business or career?
Luca Dondi is a certified professional coach, helping people enhance and realise their unexpressed potential, by leveraging business experience and accredited training. Get in touch for a free coaching session.